Archery Contest - Sports Jokes

Once upon a time there was an archery contest.

The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position...

He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow which finds the center of the target.
Then he takes of his cape and screams:
I AM...... ROBIN HOOD!!! The crowd cheers!

The second archer with a cape lines up in position.
He fires his arrow which hits the center and cuts robin hood's arrow into two!
He takes off his cape and screams:
I AM...... WILLIAM TELL!!!!
The crowd cheers!!

Finally, a third man in cape lines up in position...

He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!!!
It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!!
Then the man takes off his cape and screams:
I AM...... SORRY!!!

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Arrange Vs Love Marriage - Marriage Jokes

Arrange marriage is...!
"While you are walking, unfortunately a snakes bites you"

But love marriage is...!

Dancing in front of cobra and singing
"Wanna be my chammak challo"

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Feel The Difference - Funny Jokes

Real truth about proposal:

Boys always start love with this sentence "We are friends"

AND

Girls always end love with this sentence "We are just friends"

Feel the difference

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Maa Sab Jaanti Hai - Hindi Jokes

5 year old boy :- I love u mom
Mom:- Aww! I Love u too......

16 year old boy:- I love u mom
Mom :- Sorry! I have no money..
.
.
25 year old boy:- I love u mom.
Mom:- Hmm... kaun hai woh? kahan rehti hai?
.
.
Moral:- Maa sab jaanti hai
But the best is..
35 yr old man:- Mom I love you
Mom: Beta maine pehle hi bola tha uss kamini se shaadi mat karna

And the last one...
55 yr old man:- Mom I love you...
Mom:- Beta main kisi bhi paper par sign nahi karoongi...

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Husband-Wife Funnies

Hubby Ke Birthday Par Wife Ne Pucha: Kya Gift Chahiye Tumhe???
Hubby: Tum Mujhe Pyar Karo, Izzat Karo Aur Mera Kehna Maano... Bas Yahi kaafi hai.
Wife, Kuch Der Soch Ke: Nahin, Main Toh Gift Hi Dungi.

Ek Marwadi Ne Shadi Mein Damad Ko CHESS Board Gift Diya.
Damad: Yeh Kya ?
Marwadi: Badi Tamanna Thi ki Beti Ko Shadi Mein HATHI, GHODE, UNTH, NAUKAR-CHAKAR Dun, Aaj Meri Iccha Puri Ho Gayi !!!

Why do most indian women request 4 the same husband in the next life???
Arre... Itni Mehnat Se Trained Kiya Hai... Waste Thodi Jaane Denge!

Wife: Aap Bangkok Jaate Ho Toh Mujhe Kyon Nahin LE Jaate???
Husband: Arrey Pagli, Jab Restaurant Mein Jaate Hain Toh Tiffin Thode Na Le Ke Jaate Hain!!!!

Pati: Tum Hamesha Mera - Mera Karti Ho, Mera Beta, Mera Ghar, Meri Car. Tumhe 'Hamara' Kehna Chahiye.
Ab Almari Mein Kya Dhoond Rahi Ho...???

Wife: Hamara Petticoat...!!!

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Feeling Depressed ??? - Funny Jokes

If you ever feel depressed in your life... open your mailbox... When I open my mailbox, I find: 10 banks are giving me easy loans.

I have won GBP 10000000 and USD 500000 for unknown reasons.
10 Job companies have best jobs for me.
5 matrimonial sites have most suited matches for me.
Dr. Batra has claimed that he will cure my hair fall & greying.
3 universities are giving me degrees in random subjects.

And to top it all ...
Approx 70-80 mails from Priya, Payal, & Neha who are feeling lonely and want to meet me.

What else you need from life ???

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A Twist in the Tale - Funny English Jokes

Girl: Hiiiiii.
Boy: Hi.
Girl: What happened?
Boy: Nothing.
Girl: No, say na what happened... You look soo sad.
Boy: I'll ask you something... and you have to tell me the truth... will you?
Girl: Ok, ask.
Boy: Who is Raj loafer? He liked all your profile pictures and even your status updates on FB. who is the dumb idiot?
Girl: Please don't say anything about him.
Boy: Is he your ex boyfriend? Are you still in love with him?
Girl: Why would I love him... You are my only love...
Boy: Then is he your brother?
Girl: No no... not like that...
Boy: Then who the hell is he?
Girl: Shall we talk something else?
Boy: So you are hiding something from me? You have that much close relationship with him... he's so much important to you, right?
Girl: If I disclose the secret you'll definitely scold me.
Boy: I'm getting irritated now... don't test my patience.
Girl: Please Yaar...
Boy: If You don't tell me I'll break our relationship roght now.
Girl: Ok, I'll tell you... but promise me that you won't scold me, ok??
Boy: Oh, ok...







Girl: Hmmm... That is my fake profile... if no one likes my dp I like my pictures through that id and also post comments like cute, nice, hot, sexy, etc.... etc!!!!!

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2 Lines Sad Love Status in Hindi

Fikr toh teri aaj bhi karte hain,
Bas jikr karne ka hak nahi raha

• Whatsapp status in Hindi
• Whatsapp Status
• Status for Whatsapp
• Status In Hindi For Whatsapp
• Status on Sad Love for Whatsapp
• Sad Love Status For Whatsapp in Hindi
• Whatsapp Status on Sad Love

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5 Life Status For Whatsapp in English

1) Love the life you live, and live the life you love.

2) Happiness is not ready made it comes by our own actions.

3) Each new day is another chance to change your life.

4) Count your age by friends, not years, Count your life by smiles, not tears

5) Success always hugs you in private but failure always slaps you in the public ! that’s life.

• Whatsapp status in English
• Whatsapp Status
• Status for Whatsapp
• Status In English For Whatsapp
• Status on Life for Whatsapp
• Life Status For Whatsapp in English
• Whatsapp Status on Life

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5 Amazing Inspirational Statuses about Life

1)

Kaam aisa karo ki naam ho jaye, ya phir,
Naam aisa karo ki sunte he kaam ho jaye…!


2)

If you want to go fast, go alone,
If you want to go far, go together. – African Proverb


3)

Sukhe honthon se hi hoti hain meethi baatein.
Pyas bujh jaye to alfaz or insan dono badal jate hai.


4)

If you want to live a happy life,
Tie it to a goal, not to people or things. – Albert Einstein


5)

जिंदगी में बडी शिद्दत से निभाओ अपना किरदार,
कि परदा गिरने के बाद भी तालीयाँ बजती रहे……!!!

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Ram aur Raavan bada serious yudh - Funny Hinglish Jokes

This is a killer joke...
Ram aur Raavan bada serious yudh
kar rahe the.
Tabhiiii Raavan ne Ram ke peechay
kisi ko khada dekha.
Raavan: Chal yaar bye.
Ram: Kya hua?
Ravaan: Nahi yaar bas bye, Le Sita
ko leja.
Ram: Array hua kya, ruk to sahi.
Raavan: Nahi yaar......, achha......., I
am sorry, OK?
Ram: Bata to sahi hua kya?
Raavan: Kuchh nahi bhai baat hi
khatam, no tension+no fikar, maje-
maje.
Ram: Nahi pehle bata pleeeeeez,
tujhe meri kasam, kya hua?
Raavan: Bas rehne de yaar, itni si
baat pe tuney Rajnikanth ko bula
liya......

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Don't be Smart with Kids! - Best Jokes

In a Nursery School Canteen, there was a basket of Apples with a notice written over it: Do not take more than one, God is watching.
On the other counter there was a box of chocolates. A small child went & wrote on it: Take as many as u want, God is busy watching the Apples.
Moral: NEVER ACT SMART WITH today's generation...!!!

KID: Why some of your hairs are white, Dad?
DAD: Every time you make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns white...
KID: Now I understand why Grandpa's all hairs are white...
Moral: Don't be over smart with today's kids!

Child: Mummy why Gandhiji had no hair on his head?
Mummy: Because he spoke truth only.
Child: Now I understood why ladies have long hairs...
The moral remains the same!

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Don't Mess with Kids - Funny English Joke

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell , or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty , but a horse produces clumps . Why do you suppose that is?" 

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell , or no life after death, when you don't know shit ?"

And then she went back to reading her book.

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New on Whatsapp - Hindi Best Jokes

Mrs. Khanna of my society messaged me: Hi... I am new on whatsapp... Any idea what does IDK, LY, TTYL mean...?

I replied: I don't know, Love You, Talk To You Later !

She replied: No problem. I'll ask my son... Love you too... Bye and Take Care

And my wife read it and......

Saala, bhalaai ka to zamana hi nahi raha.

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Sidhi Baat No Bakwaas 3 Idiots Part 2 - Best Hindi Jokes

Rancho: Smiling

Teacher: Aap Muskura Kyon Rahe Ho?

Rancho: Bahut Dino Se Facebook Mein Account Banane Ki Ichha Thi...Aaj Bana Diya Hai...Bahut Maza Aa Raha Hai!

Teacher: Zyada Maza Lene Ki Zarurat Nahi Hai. Tell Me, What is a Post?

Rancho: Anything that is posted on Facebook is a Post, Sir.

Teacher: Can you please elaborate?

Rancho: Sir...Jo Bhi Facebook Pe Log Daalte Hain Post Hai Sir. Ghumne Gaye...Photo Daal Diya! Post Hai Sir.
Match Dekha, Score Daal Diya! Post hai Sir.
Sir Actually Hum Posts Se Ghire Hue Hain Sir!
Katrina Ki Pic Se Ronaldo Ki Kick Tak! Sab Post Hai Sir! 
Ek Second Mein Comment, Ek Second Mein Like!
Comment-Like...
Comment-Like...

Teacher: Shut up! Account Banake Ye Karoge?
Comment-Like...Comment-Like...?

Haan Chatur, Tum Batao.

Chatur: Pictures, texts or videos posted through mobile or tablet or laptop or desktop via different operating systems using internet on Facebook is called a Post.

Teacher: Excellent!

Rancho: Par Sir Maine Bhi To Wahi Bola Seedhe Shabdo Mein.

Teacher: Seedhe Shabdo Mein Karna Hai To Orkut Ya Twitter Ke Pages Pe Account Banao.

Rancho: Par Sir Dusre Sites Bhi To.

Teacher: Get out!

Rancho: Why sir?

Teacher: Seedhe Shabdo Mein Bahar Jaiye.

Rancho goes out and comes back.

Teacher: Kya Hua?

Rancho: Kuch Bhool Geya Tha Sir.

Teacher: Kya?

Rancho: A utility button given to us, to protect our private data i.e. pictures, messages or personal information for being stolen or used for bad purpose by hackers or anyone else.

Teacher: Arre, Kehna Kya Chahte Ho?

Rancho: Logout Sir! Logout Karna Bhool Geya Tha.

Teacher: To Seedha Seedha Nahi Bol Sakte The?

Rancho: Thodi Der Pehle Try Kiya Tha Sir, Aapko Pasand Nahi Aaya!

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Halloween - Best Halloween SMS

Wishing you a a blessed Halloween filled with magical surprises! May you get lots of treats that are good to eat!

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Boy: Viber Use Karrti Ho? - Funny Hindi SMS

Boy: Viber Use Karrti Ho?
.
.
.
.
.
Girl: Ufff! Ye un-educated Bhi Na! Dear, Viber Nahi, Wiper Hota Hai... Aur Main Tabhi Use Karti Hun Jab Pani Jyaada Ho, Warna Pochha Hi Lagati Hun!

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Halloween also known as Allhalloween - Halloween SMS

Halloween also known as Allhalloween, All Hallows' Eve or All Saints' Eve is the time in the liturgical year dedicated to remembering the dead, including saints (hallows), martyrs, and all the faithful departed believers.
Have a very happy Halloween!

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Why husbands avoid questions!

WIFE : What would you do if i died ? Would you get married  again ?
Husband : No.... 
Wife : Why not ? Don't you like being married  ? 
Husband : Of course i do. 
Wife : Then why wouldn't you remarry ? 
Husband : Ok, ok, i'd get married again.... 
Wife : Would you live in our house  with your new Wife.... ? 
Husband : Yes, it's a great house. 
Wife : Would you let her drive my car  ?
Husband : Yes, its almost new, dear.
Wife : Would you give her my jewelry  ?
Husband : No.. I am sure she would want her own..
Wife : Would she wear my shoes..?
Husband : No, her size is '6'
Wife : --silence-- 
Husband : 'shiiit'...!! 

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Top Ten Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women

Top ten reasons why men prefer guns over women:

#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out.

#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3 - A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?" #2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

........ And the Number One reason Why Men Prefer Guns over women....

#1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun!

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Chinese Products!

A Chinese man married an African woman and had a child. Two months later the child passed away.

At the funeral house, the African woman kept crying and saying, "I KNEW IT !!! I KNEW IT !!!"

A family member pulled her aside and asked, "What did you know?"
She replied, "That, Chinese products don't last long!!!"

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P-Mail! .. Funny Jokes

Joe was a successful computer programmer and a happy family man. His life was blessed with a loving wife, 2 kids, three cats and a dog. Joe loved taking Rusty the dog for his evening walk and was proud when his son, little Johnny, began asking to go along on Rusty's evening walks.

Little Johnny was an observant and curious child and one evening asked his father: 'Daddy, why does Rusty always sniff that phone pole when we take him for his walk?'

Well, Joe wasn't sure how he should answer his son. How DOES one explain the way animals mark their territory to a 6-year-old?

Stalling for time Joe asked, "What do you think he's doing Johnny?"

Johnny frowned in concentration, then brightened and said, "I know! I Know! He's checking his P-Mail!"

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Stay Away from Mom when.. Best Funny Jokes

Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff. But then the teacher realised that only Little Johnny was left. "Johnny, do you have a story to share ?"

"Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom. She was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher. "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story???" "Stay away from Mommy when she's drunk......!!!!"

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